Toby is my middle child, my sweet just-turned-4 year old who still refers to himself as “Mummy’s baby”… and he’s going to school in a little less than 2 months.
I’ve mentioned before that the school I send the boys to is a forest school and offers a “pre-reception”. Pre reception takes the children from the first term after they turn 4 years old, so they don’t have to wait until September – we did it with Reuben, despite reservations that he would miss me, it actually turned out to be the other way around and he was asking to go full time and quite put out that he couldn’t go on Saturday or Sunday (FYI, the novelty wore off and now I have to prise him out of bed some mornings with a crow bar and the promise of a kinder egg if he has a good day.)
I suspect it could be the stress of knowing that his days at preschool are numbered and pre-reception, “the big school life” is beckoning him, because lately Toby has been really tough. Seriously to the point where I am tearing my hair out, which, considering the FUE hair transplant cost, is probably not going to leave me looking great. All joking apart though, it is like his behaviour has suddenly deteriorated and he is cheeky, loud (oh so fucking LOUD) and his manners are appalling. Where did “mummy’s baby” go?
Well presumably “mummy’s baby” went to the same place that “Harriet pre kids” went – on the proverbial back burner until the current affairs are over. You see, change is scary, really scary and that is just for an adult – so here I am feeling all the world of frustration at this sudden change in attitude and yet probably more applicable would be the caring and understand that I demand from fellow adults in time of stress.
When we talk about moving up to the “big school” or it is mentioned by the lovely ladies at pre-school, Toby gets very shy, sticks his tongue out and reverts to baby speak. The logical part of me knows that this is a sign of his nerves and we’ve chatted about how nervous he feels, with him telling me that he feels a “ickle scared but will be ok”, but there is little that I can do to actually wash away those nerves or fears. I guess it’s a bit like starting a new job, though I thought I could feel a little bit more re-assured that his brother would be there to look after him, however at the tender age of 5 years old Reuben isn’t really too much help either – he seems to feel that he’s being usurped and is dealing with his own increased “work” load moving from the nirvana of school life that is reception to year 1 where they are actually expected to do a modicum of work. The horror of it all.
Tobes has a series of taster days next week, 4 in fact, to get him used to the idea of being at school and what to do, where things are etc. It won’t be the first time he’s been by any means but it will be the first time I’ve left him there and the first time he meets the kids who are no doubt going to be his comrades for the next 5-6 years.
Truth be told, he’s not the only one feeling the nerves, and the closer we get to him going to school, the closer it gets to Edith going to pre-school, something I have been looking forward to since she was only 6 months old, but suddenly I’m secretly dreading it. I feel like time has slipped away somewhere and I haven’t even able to do the things I wanted to do with Toby or Edith, certainly not to the degree that I did them with Roo.
So, any advice? I have no doubt in my heart that it will “all come together” soon, but in the meantime, just wait out this awful attitude and behaviour or is there something to sooth those fears?
H x
Thank you for writing this, it appears I have become obsessed with your blog and you make the most reassuring points. My 4 year old just missed out starting “big school” last year so now I am facing it this year. And although Z is ready, he is very uncertain and it is coming out in his behaviour. I am mortified that the time has come for him to start full time school. My little miracle baby won’t need picking up at lunch time, he won’t be able to drift off for a snooze after his lunch (yes he still does that?) I will miss him more than he will miss me! The reality is really starting to hit home and itsee terrifying me. My 3 year old will be going to the nursery school attached to the school Z will be going to, they will both be in the same uniform (CUTE?) but O will still need picking up at lunch time. It’s time to face facts… my baby boys are growing up? one fact I don’t have to like! Thank God L is only 6 months old!
My oldest was the same. A few weeks in and he was loving it. My youngest is due to start school in August and will only be 4 1/2, I am not sure how I feel about it but she is looking forward to it. Good luck lovely xx
I can’t give any advice other than that it will pass, lots of reassurance and talking through things. Once settled in, I’m sure things will be much better.
I think its so hard growing up. I have never liked change but I’m trying to embrace it as an adult. My dad always used to tell me that I’d always be his little girl which was reassuring lol xxx
With the behaviour its definitley something they all go through its a new experinece that brings a lot of change but he’ll get use to it soon! Hope the taster days go well!!!
Sounds like such a good idea to get them used to things before reception, I’m sure things will be okay nearer the time x
I am sure its all because of change and he will revert back to loving it all. When change comes alone we all behave differently.
I have found in some instances the bigger a deal / fuss is made over something the more stressed children get. It’s okay to mention it once in a while but when they get it coming from lots of places it can really stress kids out and they all handle stress in different ways.
My boys are all in their teens now and at secondary school or University (!), so those days feel like a long time ago. But I do remember that the stress and the tiredness definitely had an effect on them. I waited it out, talked to them and cuddled them when they were in the mood, and they all came back round again when things settled down.
I think behaviour is definitely always worse in times of stress. The end of the summer holidays before moving into a new class are always tough, and that’s without moving school. So don;t worry mummy, your baby boy will be back and as loving as ever as soon as he gets used to the new routine x
Oh bless you both! As you say, it is a trying time and of course anytime there is a big change it has a big effect on little ones. Hopefully when he starts his full days it will all settle down and become Mummys Boy again
Aww, I guess it is such a big change, and everyone deals with things differently. xx
No advice but I hope Toby gets on well with his taster days next week my lovely. Jo x
Aww I can’t imagine how fast it all flys by for you 🙁 I hope the transition of going to big school goes well 🙂
One of my nephews is at that age where is isn’t 3-4 but 5-6 is possibly slightly too old for him with toys and it is quite a weird feeling!
Although Lily is 2 im going through the same with the change in behaviour. As she has just turned 2 and is starting to be very aware things are changing she is being really challenging with tantrums and not sleeping. I may need that hair transplant soon to, will have to get the n umber from you. No advice here im afraid apart from lets hope they are both going through a phase where they just need us to show some support and reassurance and it will eventually pass.