Can we talk about something that has been bothering me for a while? Cool.
Let’s talk about contraception.
The average man can impregnate an inﬁnite amount of women in a year and yet a woman can only get pregnant and have a baby in a year. Maybe pregnant twice if she really goes for it but she’s only going to complete the process once, whereas Mr Sperm over there is knocking up women left, right and centre but the onus for contraception is on the woman.
It’s ALWAYS on the woman.
Hands up how many women gave birth and were given the leaﬂet about contraception on their way out of the door? *raises angry hand and takes in sea of hands waiving there fucking stupid leaflets*
How many women had their partner asked about contraception as they left the Ward? Oh would ya look at that sea of tumbleweed. Fuck me sideways, that’s a shock.
It didn’t just stop as we left the ward, no, I was asked repeatedly at various stages how I planned to avoid getting pregnant and not once, not a single time was Adam asked. I’ll give you ten guesses as to who was more excited at the prospect of getting a leg over. Small hint: it wasn’t the person who just squeezed a small HUMAN out of the carnival zone. No no, it was the one who didn’t have a muslin square across a shoulder, leaky, cracked nipples and a bloody contraceptive leaflet in hand.
Despite just having been through birth, assuring the hospital, GP and every Tom, Dick(head) and Harry that wanted to discuss how I was going to stop ADAM getting me pregnant, no one ever suggested that Adam take a moment to think about how he was going to avoid the little swimmers causing the apparent issue we were all trying to avoid.
Abstinence was snickered at because, (and I’m not joking) “you husband will probably want to be intimate at some stage and I’m sure you will too” – thank goodness I finally came round in that scenario, I mean, if the male of the household wants it, I better crack on, yes? – and when we went together to talk about Adam having a vasectomy, the response was “hmm, have you considered the coil?” Well, I didn’t know that they could ﬁt a MALE coil buddy, cheers for that breakthrough.
Why, oh why, is contraception the woman’s responsibility? Why? Why is a male pill deemed unsuitable because it caused headaches but I’m at higher risk of pulmonary embolisms because I’ve taken the pill and my mum had one as a young woman. Why are condoms not “fun” so it’s expected that a woman should have an IUD or a small plastic thing inserted in her cervix? You know what sounded like a tonne of fun after I gave birth to Edith? Having a piece of plastic shoved into my cervix OR taking even more hormones to play ﬁght with the ones that were already kicking my arse.
It’s not just medical professionals and “well meaning” friends and family either, Adam is just as bad.
I have given birth to three children, had one miscarriage, had an abortion AND had a plethora of contraceptives including: a mirena coil (current), three diﬀerent types of pills which have made me gain weight, have PMS style symptoms and brought me out in terrible spots and my personal favourite: the copper coil which gave me continual thrush after causing an imbalance in my body that made me ill.
Yet ask a man to go and have a snip to a part of his balls when HE is the one who doesn’t want anymore children and he has a wonderful world of excuses that are more fucking technicoloured than Joseph’s sodding coat. I think the final straw came when his response was “Why don’t you have your tubes tied?” – well how about because mine is pretty huge surgery in comparison to yours and I THINK I’VE DONE MY FAIR SHARE YOU ABSOLUTE COCKWOMBLE. You’re scared of a snip down there? Fear not, I can tell you what it feels like because I’ve had three snips BIRTHING YOUR CHILDREN.
I have a reached a point now where I’m sick of hearing “why don’t you try..” in response to being fed up about contraception and Adam not wanting any more children. I’ve reached a point where I’m done with a society that doesn’t want to acknowledge that we’re doing it all wrong and that for every female contraceptive there needs to be a male alternative too.
So what’s up with that?