It’s that time of year again where gift guides are coming out, parents are buying presents for their children to unravel on Christmas Day and everyone is starting to pull on their judgy-pants and lace up those bossy boots.
Last week I saw a post on a Facebook group I’m in asking for some advice for gifts to buy a baby under a year, and the overwhelming response was positive, until someone decided to declare “Is this for real? Who the hell buys a baby under one anything? Jesus, show off much… There are children that get nothing!!” Now, I don’t often comment on these things, but this flies up my nose faster than concord, and it pisses me off big time. Every year parents feel they have a right to start “advising” other parents how much they should or shouldn’t spend on their children, how they should only give a few gifts or at what age the child should start receiving gifts. This woman was asking for advice, not for herself, but because her family insisted on buying the baby something, and she didn’t want a tonne of stuff she wasn’t going to use, so she was asking for alternative ideas. Not only did the commenter clearly not read the request properly, but like most keyboard warriors, she didn’t have the sense to abide by the whole ‘nothing nice to say, say nothing’ proverb. In this instance, it wasn’t about the person flashing the cash or buying pointless presents, but who cares if it is? What is it with the spending Nazi’s at Christmas time?!
I get it, babies don’t remember what they were or weren’t given at Christmas, they don’t care and are often happier with boxes and left over wrapping paper, but here’s the kicker – it’s my money, and I will damn well do with it as I please. I work hard for what I earn, I have been fortunate to have an education that has helped me, but many very wealthy people aren’t blessed with silver spoons and still go on to earn big bucks, despite having to struggle through abject poverty in their youth. Do you think they sit around saying, ‘Well, there are kiddos out there that get nothing, so clearly I shouldn’t buy for my baby who won’t remember it!’ Hell no. They spend what they want, where they want. By that logic, there are people out there who are starving, do we stop posting pictures of food or asking for recipes, because ‘think of the less fortunate’? Of course not.
On the flip side, I’m not a fan of the whole ‘post your Christmas tree the night before’ with captions of “OMG soooo spoiled” or “Eekkkk can’t see the tree!” Though I will admit to doing this the first year we had two kids, only to look back and think, well that was foolish and unnecessary, and feel a little bit embarrassed by my actions – they were thoughtless and childish. It can be upsetting for people who can’t afford to buy lots of presents (or children whose parent’s choose not to), and that picture does ram it down the throat, doesn’t it? It smacks of ‘look at me, look at me!’ Though I have doubts it is intended that way at times, sometimes people just want a record of their whole Christmas, including Christmas Eve.
I think if you are feeling inclined to lecture this year, ask yourself, what have you done for the needy and underprivileged? Why not put the effort you will expend in telling others how much they should or shouldn’t spend and what is and isn’t appropriate for their child into buying a couple of gifts from the local supermarket and donating them. Which is something we do every year, and I think it helps our children see the true meaning of Christmas, even though they receive an excessive amount over the holidays.
At the end of the day, what someone else spends on their family, or doesn’t spend, is relative to their income, not yours. It’s largely no one else’s business and shouldn’t be a parenting nightmare.
Harriet x
Preach lady! I completely agree with you!
Ok so it’s 3 years on since this post was written but this year, we have Martin Lewis doing the rounds of not buying unnecessary gifts. My reaction is two words, which I won’t repeat here, if I want to spend on people it isn’t because I expect anything in return, nor is it to make others feel bad nor to make me look good, but because I genuinely want to give these people something. It is completely ex-gratia. No expectations. Plus I’m doing my bit to save the economy!
But coming back to your post, I’ve had comments to me saying that “kids don’t need this, that and the other” but guess what, not your kids, so not your say. I will spend my hard earned money on what I want. The fact I spend on my kids doesn’t mean I don’t think about those less fortunate. It’s a b1tch that there’s starving people in the world, that there’s war and abuse. I donate to charity all year round so I do my bit to try and help. But there are others in better position than me that can inflict change. So let me have my magical Christmasses with my kids and let them keep their innocence for as long as possible because soon enough they will find out that the big wide world is a horrid place. But for as long as I can protect them, they can have whatever they want for Christmas!
A good point, well made!
Thanks Em!!