Edith is now 2 1/2 years old and we’re still breastfeeding. We’ve entered that phase again where she is swapping from boob to boob to boob and then twiddling with the other nipple until I slap her hand away gently when I’m really curling my toes and desperate to scream “stop fucking touching my nipple” in what could only rival Mel Gibson’s holler for freedom.
Twirling. Pinching. Pulling. TWIDDLING.
It’s a thing people, and I think the vast majority of breastfeeding mamas would agree, could tell you that they could lose their minds over it. It sounds so silly doesn’t it? I mean, you’re breastfeeding a child, they have your nip in the mouth and you’re bothered about them having a little prod of the other nipple?
In short, yes.
Twiddling is something I see crop up in the breastfeeding groups all the time and it’s just never in an affectionate way. It’s one of those things that just makes you feel “the rage” bubble underneath or the toes curl, like nails on a blackboard, relentless distant car alarms and really slow Sunday drivers when you have somewhere to go. Perhaps it’s just me, I’ve been informed that I am somewhat of a stresshead (pftt, rubbish) but I really find that twiddling is a part of breastfeeding I struggle with more than most parts purely because it seems so invasive. Even the soreness, the mastitis I had when she was first born, didn’t compare to this.
When you’ve had a long day, you’ve been pulled at, peed on, pooed on, demanded, unappreciated, I think you really do just want a touch of space. A touch of bodily autonomy and then comes the invasive little hands, grabby little fingers – when you’re already giving so much through feeding anyway. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to *stop* feeding Edith, I don’t want to force her away from feeding or lose those precious morning and evening moments that we have together, but I do feel like twiddling really pulls away from those precious moments when I can lie back and watch her fall asleep, contented and safe, filling her belly with milk and knowing that she is loved beyond all measure – even if I shouted at her ten minutes beforehand for pinching her brother.
I just feel like I can’t quite come to terms with being both a bottle and a blankie to comfort her. That’s really what it feels like to me, like I’m a comfort blankie, an inanimate object, dispensing the milk, providing the comfort and just… there.
Breastfeeding can be tough, but twiddling can be unbearable and you aren’t alone in that.
Me too! Every photo recently & she has a hand down my top tweaking and pinching! Aaarrrggghhhh, no matter how much you love breastfeeding, this is bound to raise your crossness levels…. big hugs to all you patient & put upon mummy’s xXx
100%!
My little one is almost two. I was struggling with the twiddling too but now I just keep the one that she is not latched on too covered up. She sometimes tries to reach for it and I just gently push her hand away. She knows now that I have boundaries and that it one she doesn’t cross. I think if she was still twiddling I probably would have stopped breastfeeding a while ago.
Good luck mama. You are not alone.
Thank you! Its such a tough part I find!
I know how you feel!!! I breastfed my little one for 2 1/2 years and not only did I never think he would ever stop finishing breastfeeding, but he was a serial twiddler and a tugger!! Honestly, I couldn’t even count the number of times that Aidan embarrassed me with his groping… xx
Oh god Harriet this is the bane of my existence right now! I could have written this. She even likes to twiddle when she’s not feeding and it is a total trigger for me. If you’ve not been there I don’t think you understand how much it drives you batshit crazy. I nursed her brother for the same time and he was fine playing with a nursing necklace but Lena is relentless with the twiddling. Aghhhh so annoying.
It’s the worst isn’t it? I’ve actually taken to covering one boob with my hand but then she gets angry… yikes! H x
Hello. Did the twiddling stop and is there anything you did to stop it? Struggling with this now. Baby is 17 months. 😩