Separation anxiety – from me to you.


It used to be worse.

You used to sit and scream, sobbing your heart out in a terrified panic every time I put you down. It was hell. Your little arms would cling to me, your fists pinching my skin as your sought out the permanent boob feed you seemed to need, and your anger was palpable every time I set you down. It got better. We got better together.

Still there are those days. Today was one of those days.

I suppose it’s my fault really, you were all smiles when you woke up, but then I made the mistake of letting you see me slip out of the door when I needed to get some kitchen out of the “big” freezer to defrost for tonight’s fajitas. I’m sorry darling. I know you were frightened when I closed the door behind me and thoughtlessly went to rummage around. I know that minute felt like an endless amount of time in your heart.

When I came back inside, your tear streaked face greeted me and gone was the happy smiley girl who woke up. I’d almost forgotten these days. It’s been a while since we had he last one.

Your little arms reached around my neck and you squeezed. Boy, did you squeeze. I carried you for a time, eventually setting you down to watch your favourite TV program, Sofia the first, which placated you for a time, while I tried to get organised for taking you and those crazy boys out for a fun day. Every so often you would toddle through to the kitchen to check I hadn’t wandered too far again. Just to check. Maybe for a cuddle. Or two.

Eventually we made it out, you cried when I put you in the car, but you got over it quickly because everyone piled in around you. How can you be afraid of being alone when you have those big brothers huh? We made it to the war museum, up into the carrier you went and nestled in tight. One of the blessings of being out is that you forget your separation anxiety, you slip back into being you. It’s beautiful and frustrating to watch you being so confident – beautiful to see you blossoming, frustrating to fear I might not be able to keep you safe. I guess we both have a touch of our old friend, don’t we?

Your tiredness once we returned made it worse. I could t leave the room, but again the paddling pool and those big brothers helped me make a late lunch, and once I was sat outside on my laptop, while you enjoyed the cool water and freedom of the garden, you were fine. You were happy and confident… You could see me, and I you. We were good.

Tiredness caught up with you again though, and as the bumps and knocks became more frequently as that babyish clumsiness got you in its grips, you became more and more clingy. More impatient with my requests to just wait. More panicked that the waiting would last too long. It is always too long when you need that closeness.

Bedtime was the worst, and that is why I’m dat underneath you now. You screamed and cried and wouldn’t even contemplate playing with your toys, the way that has become our norm. No. You were beside yourself… All because I went out of the door in the morning and your irrational fear reared its ugly head.

Darling girl, separation anxiety may be waning for you, it may come it fits and starts, but when it does, know I am here to hold you. To breath you in. To love you.

One day, it will be me who suffers with it more than you. One day too soon.


  1. Avatar
    December 8, 2016 / 11:34 am

    ?whoa. So much beauty? And absolutely perfect parenting✨?✨??

  2. Avatar August 27, 2016 / 10:15 pm

    Great post, I am dreading my mini one going to nursery we will both be upset at the start but I bet I miss him more than he misses me lol.

  3. Avatar August 26, 2016 / 2:47 pm

    What a bittersweet yet beautiful post. You obviously have a very strong loving bond with your little girl. May it continue for many years

  4. Avatar August 25, 2016 / 6:54 am

    Separation anxiety can be one of the saddest, sweetest, frustrating things ever! I think it’s something they all go through.

    • Harriet August 25, 2016 / 5:52 pm

      Oh can’t it just 🙁

  5. Avatar August 25, 2016 / 6:11 am

    Oh bless, poor wee thing! I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for the both of you.

    • Harriet August 25, 2016 / 5:53 pm

      It is so tough but she is so precious 🙂

  6. Avatar August 25, 2016 / 12:08 am

    What a beautiful post, it must be so hard when you and your child rely on each other and don’t like being apart, I can’t even imagine how that must feel x

    • Harriet August 25, 2016 / 5:53 pm

      Thank you lovely x

  7. Avatar August 24, 2016 / 9:57 pm

    This is super sweet. It’s tough seeing them struggle with being alone like that.

  8. Avatar August 24, 2016 / 9:13 pm

    My son is getting like this he hates being put down and clings to me when out and about. it can be tough but I’m there if he needs me.

    • Harriet August 25, 2016 / 5:57 pm

      Totally agree Joanna x

  9. Avatar August 24, 2016 / 7:48 pm

    This is so beautiful. Written so lovingly, My friend is going through separation anxiety with his little girl at the moment. First time parent and he’s reading up and looking for tips x

    • Harriet August 25, 2016 / 6:07 pm

      Ah thank you lovely x

  10. Avatar August 24, 2016 / 6:56 am

    You write about this so beautifully. As another Mama struggling with separation anxiety, I can’t put it quite so nicely. It’s nice to see a post that shows there is an end to it, even if pops back every now and again! Strangely, this is the topic for my blog post tomorrow.

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