“I love you infinity X infinity”. That’s what he’s always said to me, something we’ve always shared and laughed about in our kooky way. It’s not that we’re not as close as we used to be, not by any means, but it’s just that lately we haven’t had much time for each other as adults. He has become Daddy, I have become mummy. In between that is that annoying man who wastes our much needed moola on fuckball and that woman who nags him about spending his hard earned cash but goes out to lunch and buys clothes the kids don’t need.
A couple of weeks ago we went away for the night to watch WWE RAW, it’s something that Adam has loved since he was a child and of course, as he’s never truly grown up he still loves it dearly… And I can see why. It is the only thing that we really have in common (entertainment wise) that we can both say we really enjoy. I find it indulges my inner geek and I genuinely get a kick out of watching him come alive when there is an especially awesome move or when one of his favourites comes on the mic. So, off we tootled to our little “romantic” night away, and I have to say it felt a touch odd at first, like the kids are sometimes the lynch-pin that holds us together. Then we got talking. And laughing. And then howling with laughter.
The thing is, everyone knows that children are a blessing, it’s no secret that they are a wonderful gift from the universe that can change you totally. There in lies the problem.
You fall head over heels in love with someone and then you have kids and they change. They change into parents, and you have to learn to love each other in a different way. Make no mistake about it, I’ve never bought into the whole “having kids brings you closer” malarkey, I don’t think it does. I don’t think it tears you apart either, rather I believe it changes you irrevocably and you have to learn to love a new person who still has elements of the person you once knew, but who is fundamentally different, which in turn brings you closer and pulls you apart all at once.
Spending the night away with Adam was like a breath of fresh air. This man who I fell so in love with is still in there, the woman that he fell in love with is in here too, and we got the chance to bring those sides of us out again.
In a way it made us appreciate the people that we have become, purely because we knew each other so well already, a glimpse of our carefree and child-free sides has renewed our affections and appreciations of one another so much, which has done wonders for our relationship. We’ve decided that even if it is just a night out for a meal with a few drinks, we’re going to try and get away at least once every couple of months. Just us.
Just me and him, without our mummy and daddy personas.
My husband has never known me as not a mum. When we met I already had a toddler. I do miss our deep and meaningful conversations and though we do spend time together its not quality time.
Goodness, can I relate to this right now. I have so much wife guilt where I want to be “wifed” but am too tired to “wife”. I definitely need to read this a few times to tell myself that although we’ve changed through parenting we’re still the same people we were before. We just need to take our time.
This makes me so happy that you acknowledged how you can still make time for each other even when having kids because you just reconnect. It will never feel the same but it will still be a great relationship just in a different way.
Thanks Ana xx
Aw, this is so lovely. Becoming parents definitely changes you – and as much as I adore our family life, we both need time to be ‘us’ together away from the children, to have fun together, and laugh and talk and enjoy ourselves. x
You really do, don’t you? Just to remind each other of your love x
I’m glad you guys were able to have a nice night without worrying about the kids! I think dates like that are important.
Thank you x
I agree. Being a parent changes you. Great post.
Thanks lovely! It really does!
Very insightful and well put. I so agree with this – that is exactly it, it does change who you each are and how you behave, and that changes the dynamic and requires some adjustment.
Ahh thanks Silly mummy xx
It is so hard for couple time when you have little ones, I recently spent a night away with my other half too and it was so nice. I have just realised that I kept seeing you at Blog on and never said hello as I am terrible at putting names to faces xx
It’s lovely isn’t it! Ahh no way, I totally missed you – maybe next time or at Britmums?
I’d say its incredibly difficult to make time just for yourselves as a couple – we always really enjoy ourselves when we manage to go out but with no babysitters we manage to make even small amounts of time at home count. Lovely pic of you both x
It is isn’t it?!
I can’t imagine how much a relationship changes when you have kids, both of the better and for the harder. x
Absolutely – it changes in so many ways, not all bad! H x
Aw it sounds like you had a lovely night away. You have a great perspective on how you’ve both changed after children x
Ahh thanks Helen!
So important to spend quality time as a couple. Great post R
Having kids does change your relationship, when myself and my husband got together it was second time around for us, he had kids and I had none, so we had the best of both worlds being parents when we had the boys and being us when they were at their Mums. Then our Daughter came along and it all changed, although we do try to make time for each other away from being parents x
Oh wow, that must have helped xx
You have to grab these moments when you can after you’ve had children. I’m pleased you managed to get away and enjoy time together x
its beautiful how spending a night away can bring everything back. this is such a beautiful read
It was great 🙂
Aw this was such a lovely post, it gave me butterflies reading it x
Thanks Rachel xx
Oh you guys are so lucky! Would love to be able to get away too. I don’t think we ever have actually. Must also plan a getaway soon 🙂 x
We are! It’s super tough to get away!
I think it’s great you go to spend that alone time together! It’s the most important thing about keeping the love going 😀
Thanks Kira xx
That’s so good that you managed to find time to spend with one another. I think regular date nights should happen when you have kids to ensure that you have time for yourselves x
We did and it was lovely!
Aw this is lovely! I think every single couple needs some time away from the kids, it’s not just good but vital. Phil and I went for an overnight stay at a fancy spa hotel back in February and it was the best thing ever! So glad you had a great night together xx
I so agree Hannah – they really do! H x
Great post – I’m glad to hear that you had a nice evening with your partner away from the kids 🙂 I am probably still a decade away from having kids and yet this very problem really bothers me and tbh is putting me off having them 🙁
Thanks lovely xx
me and my husband have 8 little ones and it really gets tome when people say they dont get time together becasue of their kids always taking it all up, i dont understand it , i think if you have a good set routine , then those evenings when they are sleeping are most ertainly able for you to spend time with your husband or boyfriend if you make time, i find most people spend their precious most needed time on their gadgets and ignoring the person next to them when they do have the time and thats what causes a lot of it x
I agree and we both do this Lisa – obviously I work for myself now so every spare minute HAS to be about that gadget! H x
This was so lovely to read! Me and my partner are trying for a baby at the moment and I do worry that after I will just become mom and I know for a fact he hates that kinda thing so I do worry about our relationship but I agree it’s about making that time for each other where you can. Glad you had a lovely time x
Oh wow! Best of luck my lovely! H x
I am yet to have kids but I agree kids change you and you need to learn how to love each other again.
They certainly do! H x
It’s not easy after kids, is it. My husband and I spend so little quality time together. We need to work on that.
We need to too Elizabeth!