8 Silver linings to the causes of the day from parenting hell

I am not really a ‘think positive’ type of person, I try to be don’t get me wrong, but I’m quite often a glass half empty kind of gal, that way I’m not disappointed when things go wrong. You know those days that we all get as parents of young children? Yeah well, this past week I have had a few days like that – the type where my husband walks in from work and I smile say, ‘Hi honey, how was your day?’ and before he get’s chance to answer, hand him the baby and a smile of empathy while shouting, ‘I’m going for a bath, DO NOT LET THEM COME UPSTAIRS…’ in a voice that suggests it would be wise to listen. Well, whilst lying on the bed at 11.40 after just getting Edith to sleep for the first time (knowing full well that Toby was half conscious just waiting for an excuse to disturb any blissful sleep I had) I thought to myself, as god awful as today has felt, are there these fabled ‘silver linings’ to the bad moments, and you know what – there were!

So, I present to you; 8 silver linings to the causes of the day from parenting hell.

• The kids woke up at what I like to refer to as ‘twat o’clock’.

So the kids decided it was going to be an early rise did they? As you watch the dawn come over the houses surrounding you and wonder if it’s possible to drink coffee and sleep at the same time, whilst on your feet and ‘watching’ the kids, remember this: you just got up early enough to put all the laundry on AND dry it BEFORE the school run. You might even get to see the bottom of your laundry basket for the first time since you birthed your little terrorist. Oh yeah.

• It’s 8am and every toy known to man is gracing your living room floor while your exuberant child throws a temper tantrum because he can’t find that ONE piece of lego to complete his truck.

Don’t fret, this is an opportunity.  An opportunity to sort through those toys and, whilst aforementioned demon child searches for the all important piece of missing lego to the truck that they then won’t want to play with, bag up as many as possible for the charity shop run.

• The baby has thrown up. On you. On the couch. On herself. On the dog.

Remember you were wondering how to entertain the kids this morning without driving yourself to distraction?  Well, the kids love the dog. The dog needs a bath. The kids love the bath… see where I’m going with this? You can all have some bonding time in the buff (because you and the baby need to strip off too – you’re covered in sick!) while you bath the dog, and you wanted to get good use out of all those expensive baby clothes that you are only going to put her in once or twice right? Well, two outfits a day is better than one… and it gives you another chance to see if you are any closer to getting into your pre baby jeans! Winning all around.

• You tried to fit into your pre baby jeans, only to find that it was laughable despite not getting the time to eat in over a month. Hardly at all.

Erm, why are you complaining – if you recall, those jeans were designed to lift your butt, hold in your hips and make you look sexy as hell, whilst making it impossible to sit after a decent meal or cross your legs. Leggings and sweat pants on the other hand, are not designed to do any of that. They are designed for comfort, pure unashamed comfort, and you, fellow sufferer of parenting days from hell, have the perfect excuse to wear them. Constantly.

• Your children seem to think they are in a scene from the Trojan wars and they are NOT on the same sides.

Good god, must they shout at each other so much? Did your eldest really need to swing a fist at his brother? ARE THOSE TEETH MARKS??? Although this one is a pretty tough one to see a silver lining for, I found one. Yes I did. This type of constant (and we do mean constant, don’t we parents?!) bickering and scrapping requires energy, lots and lots of energy. If your children are expending their energy on beating the crap out of each other then they aren’t going to be quite so lively at bed time, which means, you could be in for putting them to bed early. Can I hear a ‘hell yeah!’ Besides, fighting with siblings is part of growing up and so long as there are no permanent, can’t-fix-this-with-bio-oil kind of scars, it’s character building, right?

• And the word of the day is… NO.

Darling can you just pick up your glass before it get’s knocked over? NO. Now please, mummy doesn’t want it knocking over? NO. Pick up the glass now. NO. NOW!!!! NO, NO, NO.

Some days children like to test our patience, with a good old fashioned no. The simplest requests are met with a no and no amount of cajoling, threatening, shouting or pleading helps. At the time this is beyond stressful, however, try to look at it this way – if your kids grow up to be as good at saying no to others as they are to saying no to you, then forget peer pressure worries, this kid won’t be anyone’s doormat!

• I don’t want that for dinner. I’m not eating it *que clamp tight lips that resemble your pocket during a trip to disney store*

It took you 3 hours to make a straight forward lasagne. It was made while the baby screamed and the kids emptied out every toy in the playroom onto the floor and proceeded to beat the crap out of each other. There has never been a dish that has had more sweat and tears poured into it, and it is their favourite. Now they won’t. eat. it. Instead of melting down and having a miniature hissy fit (you know that is where you are headed) try to think of it this way – you just made a wonderful freezer meal to pull out over the weekend so you don’t have to cook after an exhausting – sorry, fun, I meant fun – family day out. Now, where did you put the pizza take out menus?

• Over tiredness means the NO’s continue way after bed time.

You know how the kids were up when it was still dark and they have been charging about like caffeine fuelled anarchists all day? You know I said that my silver lining to them beating the crap out of each other was that it was pretty tiring… well it was, and now they are over tired. An over tired child is a child that can’t get to sleep for agessss. I see this as an opportunity to pick up one of your old favourite childhood chapter books and rekindled the magic. You will probably be able to get a good two thirds of the way through the book before your kiddos fall asleep so it might as well be a book you enjoy! You didn’t really want to relax in the bath or on the sofa anyway did you?

So there you have it, we’ve all experienced these wonderful parenting moments haven’t we? There is now a different way to view them, so maybe a parenting day from hell won’t seem quite so awful next time…

If not, there is always wine. Lots and lots of wine.

Harriet x