Yes, I am aware this always comes as a shock to people, I’m not 30 yet. Flirty, but not quite thirty.
I’ll give you a minute.
I am 30 in January and I have to say that I honestly don’t really care, Adam had a full out meltdown, lots of swear words and vaguely aggressive stares when it was mentioned that he had, in fact, passed this milestone – he’s 32 by the way and we still try to avoid mentioning it – but it’s not something that has ever bothered me. It’s just a number right? I act like such an old woman anyway that everyone always assumed I’m over that proverbial hill, knocking on the door of 40 next – which also doesn’t bother me. If anything I’m really looking forward to 30, I’m not afraid to admit that I haven’t really loved my twenties. With being in your 20’s comes a lot of self-doubt, don’t you think? I was so bolshie when I was in my late teens and early twenties and then as I got older I started to doubt myself more, and I’ve always been very easily swayed, argumentative to a fault and a bit of a dick in my earlier years if truth be told. I’m a natural overthinker, which means I sow my own seeds of doubt and leave myself open to manipulation.
As I get older I seem to give fewer fucks what people think of me, especially whether I offend people – close family and friends included. I pick fewer fights because I really don’t have the spunk I had when I was younger (you can tell I’m very Celtic by my “firey argumentive side” according to a friend – it wasn’t a compliment when I look back on it…) and I just feel so much more mellow. I stand up for myself more than I would have when I was younger and with every day that passes this year I feel a bit kinder towards myself and like I know myself just that little better.
It’s a really nice feeling to be honest and one I hope to stick with, so what do I want to do before I turn 30?
Well, truth be told I don’t know. I can reel you off a long list of things I want to do before I DIE but nothing that I feel I need to do before I hit some arbitrary age milestone. Have we ever stopped to think that perhaps this “things to do before” malarkey is what makes us so paranoid about getting older and contributes towards our anxiety around it? I’m LOVING getting older, getting more comfortable in my own skin and getting to know me as a person a bit better. I have a wonderful family, we’re all healthy and well loved, I have a mostly happy home. I know I want to build an annex for my mum, I want to travel more and show my kids more of the world, become more cultured – I also want to become a millionaire (no, not joking, it’s written on my goal list, sorry not sorry)… but before I’m thirty? No, I’m good thanks.
I feel like 30 is going to be the decade for me where I can really come into my own and that I have achieved a lot of the things that most people would put in a “before 30” list but also I’m missing a lot of them and I’m absolutely fine with that. The pressure we put on ourselves is insane and it’s no wonder that so many people hate the thought of getting older. The reality is that for all our “things I want to do before” lists, we might not be fortunate enough to make that next milestone – have you not seen Final Destination people?! When it’s your time, it’s your time, so why not just enjoy life and set goals but annually and instead of reflecting on what you didn’t do (for me it’s travel and partying, I fell into being 30 at around the age of 12…) reflect on what you did or what you want to do next.
I’m turning 30 in 6 months and I’m good with it, truly and honestly, in fact I’m rather looking forward to it.