Lately my girl and I have been spending a lot more time together one on one. It’s occurred to me that I never really had much by way of one to one time with Edith, I’ve always struggled to find a proper balance and even when she has been alone with us and her brothers have been away for the weekend, I’ve felt like we haven’t really done much together. I guess that’s not to say that we don’t have a special bond – of course we do, I am still breastfeeding her and there are those moments at 2am where it is just me and her and (as knackered as I am, as much as I just want to sleep) I look at her curls, stroke her skin and breathe her in.
But we’ve never really DONE much just her and I. We’ve never been to soft play, just us, until recently as I’ve always felt like her brothers would feel upset and it wasn’t a good time to make them feel left out with starting pre-school and school.
Last week I took Edith to soft play and ended up having to leave early to collect Toby who was poorly at school (nothing like getting the runs on your second week of school is there kid?). Fortunately Daddy got there first because it was so busy and we were delayed but I felt so sad that we didn’t have the chance to get a proper play – so we made the decision to try again a little bit later, followed by a mooch around Tesco’s Baby event and a little cake in their café. Dieting is not my forte.
One of the things I think you notice the most about being a mother to more than one child is that you are often stuck trying to please everyone, trying to make sure that no one feels you love them less and that all is honky-dory with everyone. Truth be told, it doesn’t work. The boys found out we’d been to soft play and immediately I was given “but why weren’t we with you?” looks followed by the inevitable question of “Why do we have to go to school and SHE doesn’t?”… it’s taken a time to come to terms with saying, “because that is life, the same as mummy has to work to earn money, you have to go to school so that you can learn and grow up to have a job and earn money” and that’s because I know they won’t like that answer, but it is the truth. I think as a mum with two school age boys and a toddler, I’ve had to learn that sometimes I’m going to make one feel left out or make them cross that they can’t be involved in everything, every time. We’ve had a chat about how Edith will one day go to school too and then we won’t be able to go out for a play and shopping trip to check out the fab offers that are available on her nappies while she runs up and down the isles delighting people (FYI, the nappy offers are more exciting to me than her… which basically means I need to get out more if I find nappies exciting…). It’s an evolution that comes to us all!
I do have to confess that while I managed to make my way through soft play with the help of a coffee or two and the odd evil eye at the big kids in the ball pool throwing balls, I really enjoyed visiting Tesco’s baby event and chatting to the staff about everything from what we could encourage my eats-nothing-but-breastmilk-and-chips toddler to eat to browsing their range of baby toys that I had to forcibly wrench of madam. We went into a local pet shop and stared at the fish and hamsters, and then when we went for a coffee and cake in the Tesco café before heading to collect the boys, we had a cuddle and boobie feed. It felt like a well rounded afternoon and like we’d actually spent time doing something that was enjoyable for both of us.
Did we soften the “we went to soft play and had cake without you” blow for the boys with a couple of tatty magazines and cookies from the Tesco Finest range, you bet, but for once I truly felt like I got that precious one to one time with my youngest child and I didn’t feel even one stab of guilt over the boys jealousy.
Growing up it was just me and mum – we are still extremely close. I still adore one-on-one time; it must be harder when you have siblings but even half hour spent on each alone is important in many ways. Especially girls with mum – learn things about puberty, makeup and just build an important trust x
One on one time is so important! Thanks for the reminder!
It’s nice you’ve had chance for some one on one time as it must be hard trying to divide your attention x
The Tesco baby event does sound great and also your trip to the pet store to look at the hamsters, bet they were cute x
Not kids yet on my end but I do remember as I child I did love my one-2-one with my mum when we would leave my brother and sister at home and we just had some alone time.
Oh my goodness yes! I only have two, but the second I do something with one I feel guilty and the other child sure doesn’t help! Even if the other one is at a club or at a friend’s house! Good for you for being able to balance it. It sure does feel good to get one on one time. 🙂
Good for you for finally being able to have a bit of one-on-one time with Edith. I’m sure it is quite difficult trying to make sure you are always spreading yourself evenly amongst all of the children and not having anyone feel like they are being loved less than the others. Motherhood is a delicate balancing act it seems, but it will all even out in the end.
I hope it does – it really is a delicate balance!
I can imagine it’s quite tough, but I have to admit I have such fond memories of spending one on one time with my mum x
Ahh lovely x
Sounds like it can be such a struggle when you have more than one child, it looks like you’re doing well though and I bet she loves mummy time!
She really does – we’re going to soft play again this week!
I used to feel like that as a kid like why are they not getting told off and I am and why are they allowed out and I am not. Age definitely has an impact and I understand that now!
It’s so hard from a parent’s perspective!
Being a Mum is very hard work and you never switch off, but it is one of the most rewarding experiences you can have in life x
Very true lovely x
I haven’t got children so I haven’t been in this situation but I know I loved having mummy daughter time when I was younger without my brother being involved!!
Ahh that’s good to hear!
It must definitely be hard to balance when you have more than one child, and I think one-on-one time as well as enjoying shared activities is a great thing to do. Sounds like you had a wonderful time!
Super hard, but worth it!
tesco have some good baby clothes actually! i love a gander around a supermarket.
They do don’t they?
Beautiful post Harriet!! Its every parents mission to divide their attention between kids and partner equally: and by being transparent, you just made it easier for thousands of mamas to feel comfortable and confident in doing the same!
Thanks Dawn – it’s really hard I think! xx
I only have one child, but I can imagine it is hard to get that one to one time when you have more than one.
So tough! x
It can be difficult to find one-on-one time, especially when they’re little. I’ve always tried to do it every so often with the boys, and I’m always glad when we get chance. Sounds like you had a lovely time together
Right? Really tough!