Happy New Year! I thought for my first post of 2019 I should probably have wee look back to 2018 and assess the year, god knows it might help me move forward with all of these goals that everyone and every meme keeps telling me I need to smash in 2019.
Looking over my 2018 new year, same me goals post, I don’t think I did as badly as I keep telling myself I did, I have a habit of doing that – ignoring the wins and only focusing on what I haven’t or didn’t do.
This is what my goals were:
1.) Build am annex for my mum : DIDN’T HAPPEN.
Well, I didn’t do this and the way I start to feel like someone is standing on my chest every time I think about it, it’s not a goal I wish I had never set. We did manage to get planning permission, which means I now have 5 years to start a project (no panics there) that is coming in at almost three times the cost we were advised. Add into the cost situation a divide in opinion over how we should move forward and the annex, the extension and our current lifestyle just makes me desperately unhappy. My limbs start to ache, my head starts to pound and I can’t breathe overly well when I give it all too much thought. Needless to say something needs to change, hopefully this will be the year to do it but at the moment its a sore point rolling into 2019.
2.) Learn to use Photoshop :: DID IT!
I feel so proud of myself in this area, I’ve made some huge leaps here and I feel like I’ve learnt to do loads of the things I wanted to! Am I up to the All That Is She Instagram standard? Hell no, but I’m pleased with what I can do.
3.) Improve video editing skills :: DID IT!
Another one I feel I really did manage! I’m really pleased with this one, I feel like I have improved massively, I’m not as slick as some but I’m ok with that, I’ve done a cracking job getting better, now I just need to actually do more youtube based stuff to make it worthwhile.
4.) Eat as a family at the table :: ANOTHER NOPE.
Yeah, we didn’t manage this either. One of the reasons I want to build our annex and extension is so that we can eat at a dining table of our choosing in our family area, just like all the plans show. As I said, it’s a sore subject.
5.) Homework every night! :: NO AND YES
We really improved the homework situation thanks to Adam being at home, so I’m genuinely delighted with where that went. I don’t agree with homework for children, especially not to the extent they are given it, so I think we did amazing and both boys have come on in leaps and bounds.
6.) Lose weight and get back to being healthy :: I GAINED WEIGHT AND I’M LESS HEALTHY
LOL. Firstly, I let go of weight loss. I really did because I came to the conclusion that, whilst I look back now and see myself looking super slender and the “ideal” I have in my head, I didn’t see it then, I wouldn’t have seen it in the future and I won’t see if now. I love food. I do feel a bit annoyed with myself for not improving my health though, I feel rotten most of the time but I’m very rarely not stressed, especially with the annex situation and constant uncertainty.
7.) Travel more :: WE DID!
We went to France twice, once Disneyland Paris and we went to Florida. We had a couple of staycations in Cornwall and Devon too – it has been a good year for doing a touch of family travel and I would love to do more over time.
8.) Focus on YouTube and hit 4K subs :: I DIDN’T HIT THE SUBS BUT I DID FOCUS MORE.
I didn’t hit the subs but I think I was really inconsistent. I’m happy with the gains I made, happy with the way I improved my video editing and I still think that youtube isn’t something that comes naturally to me. It’s never going to be my favourite platform, so should it be my everything? Probably not.
9.) Get more focused. :: NOPE
I have to say, moving into 2019, what the fuck does “Get more focused” mean? I want to have the same drive that I had when I was working myself into the ground, giving myself stress related scares and do it all without becoming ill. I’m not entirely sure that is focus, unless the focus is on an early grave. Did I get the focus I planned? NO. Will I ever be a massively focused person? Probably not, but I tend to get shit done and I have to learn to be ok with that.
10.) Start writing a book :: CHANGED MY MIND
I have seen my book idea done by about 4 different people in the last 2-3 years and I’m just about over it. I feel like I had the idea that I would write a book and that would somehow make me more worthy, give me something tangible to hang on to as opposed to the uncertainty of social media life, but I have to say I don’t really want to write a book anymore. Or not the book that I thought I wanted to write. I might not have achieved this goal, but I’m also pleased I gave up on it early on.
So there we go, with regards to goals, I managed some, started on others and some got the better of me. I think that’s pretty average don’t you?
As far as other things, I’m not sad to see the back of 2018. It’s felt like a really long year, with the back end just getting more and more emotionally draining and, despite the wonderful times at Disney, I really just feel like I’m wading through mud half of the time so 2019 is going to be a year of being kinder to myself, making the changes that I need to make to get the things that I want to get done, done and trying to focus more on the positives in my life.