I have never been one for gender stereotypes, a boy is tough and strong, a girl is weak and in need of protection. Yeah right. I have to be honest and say, while I never believed in that, I also never really thought of the alternative to the stereotype; sensitive boys.
They really have it so much harder than sensitive girls, don’t they? Society is an absolute bastard to them, with the constant “toughen ups” and “big boys don’t cry”. Bahh. It drives me mad, especially when it comes from those closest.
Both my boys seem to be sensitive little things at times (which I’m pretty sure is called being a child, not gender specific at all) but Reuben is very very sensitive. He reminds me a little bit of Ferdinand the bull, do you know that story? Ferdinand lives in Spain and the other bulls he lives with are all so excited and anxious to be chosen as the bull that will be taken to the arena to fight the Matadors, but not Ferdinand, he just wants to sniff the flowers. The other bulls charge about and fight to show off to the matadors, but Ferdinand refuses, until a bee stings him and he goes wild with pain, charging about the arena and getting all the Matadors excited. They choose him for the arena but he refuses to fight, instead preferring to sniff the flowers. It’s a story that is really dear to my heart because my late Grandad used to read it to me, or rather tell me it from his memory, while I sat on his lap.
That’s my Reuben. As big and boisterous as a bull but such a softy and always trying to sniff the flowers. Literally. That boys drags me to the supermarket to buy flowers every chance he gets. He likes to pick them out and every so often I see him gazing at them and giving them a sniff as he takes his transformers by or flies them overhead!
It’s more than just that though, Roo has a sensitive soul too and the world seems destined to meet that sensitivity with distain purely because of his gender. He’s one of those little boys that hates to see others sad, hates to see others in pain and genuinely empathises in the sweetest way. He’s not always given the same courtesy, like when he says he’s afraid of witches, or the pantomime, I’ve heard him told to be big and brave like a boy should be. It’s a shame really, his soul is sensitive and I feel like it’s my job to protect that.
I try so hard with Roo to never minimise his feelings when he is crying, or make him feel ashamed of that. I do tell him to stop and that he is being ridiculous when he is having a temper tantrum, but I’m trying to stop doing that so much. One thing I won’t tolerate is him being made to feel inferior for his sensitivity. My husband was often told as a child by various older family members (as was the norm for that generation) that he shouldn’t be playing with “dolls” (which were his figures like Ninja turtles or He-man, which I had too by the way!) or needed to “be a man, boys don’t cry” if he was upset. It’s not something I can tolerate, not with my own son. I often think that Adam doesn’t ever really show emotion during times of sadness because of this attitude. Maybe it was just a failing of our generation, but I won’t allow it to be a failing of my sons.
With Toby, his sensitive shines through when it comes to his cuddling and soft toys. He has an obsession with his soft toys – no really, his side of the bed looks like a soft toy factory exploded onto it, he can bury himself under them – and loves to snuggle. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that, or that it is something I should discourage. If he wants to be a tactile person, who snuggles and has a love of soft fabrics such as cuddly toys, then so be it. That’s just him, and no indication of the kind of man he’ll be.
Are you raising sensitive boys?
H x
O is the exact same – he sobs when someone is sad or in danger on TV or in a book and downright refuses to watch some films because they upset him (an example is Frozen – he very much dislikes the “snow monster” Elsa sets on Anna and Christof. Oh and the Minion Movie, because the minions are in danger at the end. And come to think of it he also dislikes Despicable Me 2 because of the purple minions!!) We don’t push it at all, we both think showing a wide range of emotions is healthy. We were talking the other day about how O will randomly come up to us several times a day and say “I love you” and that no matter what else we mess up, we’re glad that we are clearly getting the “love” part right 🙂 he sees no harm in showing his emotions, happy or sad, and I think that is great. In fact I wish I were as comfortable sharing my own emotions!! I have no doubt it will get harder as he grows older and deals with peer pressure etc but the foundation of security in his emotions is there. And I think that is exactly what you have done too – no matter how many other people outside of your little family unit try to dictate how Roo should feel, you have clearly given him the space to feel how he wants at home and that will go a long way!!