Yesterday I did something I never do – I took a couple of hours off in the afternoon (after mucho nagging from my mum and husband) to go and find myself an outfit for a blogging award ceremony next week. I’m nominated and I wanted something that I would feel comfortable in, something that might help me feel just a little bit more confident as I am fully bricking it.
After a rather frustrating shop, trying to wedge my continually expanding derriere into swaths of cloth that simply wouldn’t stretch enough, despite my futile attempts (who fits into jumpsuits anyway?) I made my way home, around 40 mins after the kids had arrived home from school, to find that my elderly next door neighbour had come out when my children, aged 4 and 2, were playing on their swing set in the garden (Roo was upstairs) and shouted at them for making too much noise.
Now I get it, when you’re a mean old lady just trying to go about your business chillaxing, perhaps wondering how you can eat the happiness of future generations by being such an epic fucknugget, it must be soul destroying to hear children having fun, laughing and playing… that is, if they have a soul, but I’m totally unsure on that one.
Don’t get me wrong ladies and gents, I shout at my kids all the time (sorry, we say “raise my voice” nowadays don’t we?) and I tell them to be quiet when they are outside – we aren’t irresponsible, we remind them constantly that we have next door neighbours and they have to be respectful of their wishes to sit in their gardens and not hear my over zealous offspring shrieking at each other about who has ownership of that digger whilst the toddler makes various war cries for swing pushes and water play. Hell, I’m a normal woman, I don’t want to hear that shit.
But they are children, and alas, their mute button hasn’t developed yet.
There is no need to come outside and shout at small children, especially when you are a relative stranger who looks like something out of the “darker” Disney villain moments when you scowl. Further to not shouting at small children, you should NEVER tell small children to “shut up” (unless they are yours, then go for it – I won’t judge) and inform them that they are “horrible, nasty little children with no control over them.”
We’re honestly not awful neighbours, we don’t have parties – social lives are required for that and I gave mine up, along with a pelvic floor, when Edith arrived – we don’t play music in the garden, we don’t park across your drive and I’ve even given the husband of this witch crone older lady a lift home before because he looked like he was struggling with his bags and I’m not a heartless wanker. Our only vice is having happy children who like to play out in the garden on warm evenings – never after 7pm, Christ, that’s mamas time to get on the wine and start her nightly ritual of sofa dozing and praying for more sleep – and enjoying the summer days post school with their new guinea pigs in our garden.
I thought it would be appropriate to contain the mama bear and go next door. Firstly, to apologise for the upset caused and secondly, respectfully request that in future I was the one the complaints were made to, not a 2 year old who doesn’t speak yet and a 4 year old who thought she was going to offer him an apple to poison him (yes, that is another bitchy crone reference – I’m pissed). I was very polite, being very British and raised to believe in respecting other people an all, but was instantly met with a barrage of how I was a terrible mother, she had three children herself and they never made that level of noise and that I had no control or ability to parent. When asked respectfully to please make any complaint to me in the future I was told I never answer the doors… which we all know isn’t true because I order a lot of shit from amazon and I’m not going to go down to the post office to collect it if I miss it. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
Needless to say, the whole experience wasn’t a pleasant one. The fact of the matter is, being old doesn’t given someone the right to be a joy vacuum or to lord their opinion over others and expect them to be contrite when you are acting worse than the toddler who you have just shouted at. I think as parent’s it’s our job to keep reminding our kids that they have neighbours and to be respectful with their noise, but is their anything cuter than hearing giggles and squeals of delight on a bright summers day from happy children who aren’t locked in the house watching TV or earning their ASBO’s aged 7?
Kids are going to make noise and unfortunately for her, much like Winter is coming (GoT reference, get away if you didn’t get it), so are the SUMMER HOLIDAYS…
Nah, you sound like a fucking bint to be honest.
I like “joy vacuum”, it’s a bit like my favourite “mood Hoover” (but without the branding – other vacuums are available!)
Anyway, I know this tale all too well. We’d not long since moved to out street (you know where we live – or Adam does anyway). It’s a quiet new build or family sized home (keyword: FAMILY). Out next door neighbour (the one not attached) is an older lady, lives on her own type and clearly (from my early observations) and snobby busybody who holds herself in higher regard to anyone else. I don’t get along with that type so kept my interaction with her polite and short. Now, our house hasn’t got a huge back garden and nothing to the front so the large expanse of grass to the side and front of our neighbour’s house is perfect for a safe, soft, clean place to play. Our girls are girly girls. They skip, do cartwheels and make daisy chains. In our first summer here they were playing out one day whilst I was at work (H was home of course – I hadn’t abandoned them). I came home to hear that as they were playing out the crease-faced old battleaxe had come out and torn a strip off them for being noisy. Now I like you get it, she wants peace and quiet. But as an older lady, on your own, why choose to move to a house in a new build clearly intended for families? What did she expect? Anyway, it turns out she had made my eldest (who was 10 at the time) cry. She accused them of trespassing on her garden (it’s not her garden – it’s spare land not developed on) and told them the shut up. She was in no way nice about it, she made no attempt to speak the H about it. I saw red! I marched round there and decided that I wasn’t heading there to apologise. Now, maybe I should have been more tactful but I wasn’t. I confronted her, tore a strip of her for making children cry, and reminded here where her garden ended by virtue of boundary walls. This marked an end to any neighbourly relations. #noregrest
Haha YES!! There is nothing friendly about making children cry and why would you be friendly in return? That isn’t to say abusive – very different things – but you’re not going round with a bunch of flowers and a bread basket for granny, she made your children cry when they were doing nothing wrong. I’ve come to the conclusion that my kids can make as much noise as they like, and she came to the conclusion rapidly that she would stay away from the kids.
Love this! Totally agree – happy kids make noise! Happy noise!
& don’t worry about not having a jumpsuit – how do you wee in them anyway? lol!
Enjoy the award ceremony & may your kids (& mine) always be happy & noisy!
Urrrgh some people just sap the life out of everyone and everything. I love listening to my kids play in the garden, and if they can’t be excitable and noisy there, where can they? It’s not like it was late at night or anything! #blogcrush
Exactly! Thanks lovely!
What a cow bag. Was she never young? Did she never have children? This sort of thing makes me so angry. I hope your little ones are ok.
I’m impressed you were so polite, I think I may have torn through the fence like something out of Hot Fuzz. No one shouts at my kid – that’s my job ?
According to her she had 3, they were all quiet and well behaved… witch.
Ha, I was round there like a shot, and retained my composure until I got in and ranted at Adam – poor bloke!
Oh my what a whinge bag !!! I bet she is one of those that say children should not be watching TV or playing game consoles etc all the time. Then when the opposite happens WELL NOT NEAR MY SPACE! Cross is not the word I would use. I think you acted better than most parents would, well done on your composure. Children’s chatter and laughter is one of the most precious things. I love to hear this. Bring on the summer holidays xxx
Oh my what a whinge bag !!! I bet she is one of those that say children should not be watching TV or playing game consoles etc all the time. Then when the opposite happens WELL NOT NEAR MY SPACE! Cross is not the word I would use. I think you acted better than most parents would, well done on your composure. Children’s chatter and laughter is one of the most precious things. I love to hear this. Bring on the summer holidays xxx
Thanks Debbie, that is SO true!
This makes me so angry! Thankfully, our current neighbours are more noisy than us, so I’m not worried about them shouting at the kids, but I remember something similar happening to me when I still lived with my mum… The neighbours waited until I got in from school, so that I was the only one in the house (it was high school and I was older 🙂 ), before storming round with a bag full of dog poo. She then started shouting at me that I’m ‘absolutely terrible’ and do I understand ‘how disgusting it is to vandalise her property in such a way?’ Turns out our gardener had mistaken her bin for ours and plopped all the dog poop from our garden into her bin… needless to say, my dad was on the war path when he got home to find his teenage daughter a blubbering mess in the kitchen 🙁
Oh I bet he was – what a twat!
Oh honestly what a d*ck. My kids run riot in the garden, our neighbours must wonder what we feed them, I often yell at them to shut it as I feel the same about disturbing the peace but their idea of quiet is a tad difference to mine. #blogcrush
Haha it always is isn’t it? I mean, they really need a space to let off steam and that is surely better than being stuck in and silent?
Love this mrs. Good on you for going round there-I’m angry for you! Have linked you up on the #blogcrush linky!
Thanks doll!
Ugh she sounds awful. Sorry you had to deal with that. I’d be livid too! I rarely tell my kids to be quiet in the garden, unless they are being ridiculous. They are kids!
Exactly Naomi, they are only children!
Do you know what I would do in this situation ? I would positively encourage them to make even more noise, what the hell I would join in too ! Seriously though some people are just mean and bitter and can’t wait to voice their opinions.
Ha, thanks lovely!!
What an awful woman!! Most of the older people I know absolutely love the sound of kids having fun, this woman clearly has no heart at all,
God so sorry you had to experience this!! What a wanker I’m so cross for you!!
Thank you Louise, it’s infuriating isn’t it… I mean, come and shout at me if you want to but not kiddies.
Brilliant post, we are having a similar issue with our older neighbours, only I didn’t contain mama bear ??
Thank you – I don’t blame you. I struggled but I felt the need to be polite as possible so that I could honestly say I did nothing wrong when I reported it!
What a disgusting woman. I firmly dislike people who go on about when they had children.
I mean when your kid is 1 month old, and NEVER sleeps you think you’ll always remember just how bad it was. You don’t. Likewise she won’t remember that her children made noise too, probably worse at times than other peoples, as children DO MAKE NOISE!
What a bitch. Enjoy your summer and hope the weather is pleasant every single day so you can get outside.
Haha thanks Katie – me too, I’m sure she would have much to complain about! I think it’s important to be respectful but I would rather they were outside and enjoying themselves.