I am truly becoming a fan of this beautiful series by Mariann Hornyák about the beauty of baby wearing and keeping your child close to you. It speak to me as someone who is going to have a new baby soon and has two little boys, we forget how fast our world moves. How scary it can be. Mariann inspires me to hold my babies closer, to love more fully and to be the mother I want to be. In this post Mariann reminds us all that you are the expert of your own child, and no one can take that away from you!
If you haven’t been following her series then please click on her link here and you can read them all in one fell swoop, shortly Mariann will be explaining the more technical side of baby wearing and how to go about doing it.
When you open your heart to your child you will feel how quickly the love for him warms your soul up. You might feel that a warm slow river flooded your heart and you are filled with emotions.
In the first days and weeks after giving birth lots of changes happen. The biggest will happen in you.
Before your delivery, you might feel scared, lost, worried. I even had nightmares about not making it…
I was scared.
And it is normal.
I was lucky to find support from those who were there for me. I needed them. I asked them to stay with me once our baby is here because I will not manage.
Then I started to feel the change. Day by day. After a week, I felt that I am actually confident what my child wants from me and what I should give. However, for some reason, the whole world became suddenly so noisy, full of recommendations, lists of things to buy, to do. I was truly overwhelmed by advice from the people who I specifically asked to stay and help me manage this new situation. I got frustrated. I wanted to do things differently.
I had a very strong feeling growing in me that I know this child, I know what to do. But I got all the guidance, instructions, comments and sometimes judgemental and educational messages from almost everyone. I could tell that he was hungry, warm or cold. I was unable to leave him cry. I could feel the physical need to respond him, to keep him in my arms.
But the noises around me, the GP, the health visitor, my family, the neighbours, everyone; became The Expert. The Expert of my own baby.
And I let them be.
It was against everything that I felt natural. But I had no power.
That was the moment when I betrayed my own child.
I wondered what to do. I struggled a lot. I felt isolated, I felt lost, I felt depressed. I had lots of issues. With all these people around me I was completely alone. And it was only a few days after he was born.
So I decided: I will stand up for my baby. This is my child. Me and my husband will raise him. Nobody can tell me that I am a bad mother. Nobody has the right to judge me. Only my child can tell if I was a good or bad mother to him. Nobody has the right to take my power away. Nobody can force me or manipulate me against my own mother intinct.
I stood up and I showed up in our first sling. I also admitted that little baby has never slept in his room after his first night at home. I told everyone that I let them know when and if I need any further help.
Nobody ever commented again. It was painful – for everyone. A few months later when they all saw how happy we all are, everyone opened their heart to us and started to listen to our story. They understood that this is our way and this is how we are relaxed, happy and loved. This is what my baby needs and how we feel perfect.
I wondered why I had to rebel to be left alone with my own parenting style? It is not an easy journey, especially if you stop the cycle of being pushed into decisions or having things decided for you. It is quite scary. So why do not we just respect and support each other?
If you see a mother who struggles or who is full of doubts, tell her that she is the perfect mother of her child. Give her a hug and put her in charge. Give her mummy power back!