Stick with me, this is not a grizzle. Well, I guess in part, but do me a favour and stick with me anyway.
I’m lying in a hotel bed – I should be sleeping as I don’t get the chance at home, but I’m not, I’m writing this between reading a murder mystery and feeling mildly sorry for myself. Last night was the Blogosphere Blog awards and I was nominated as Parent Blogger of the Year. Now that in itself is pretty fucking epic, isn’t it? So there were 6500 ish nominations and then the team whittled that down to 30, 5 for each category and put it out to another vote which counts for 40% while the judges make up the remaining 60%. I was a finalist.
And I didn’t win.
Now, this isn’t a woe is me post rather that when I rang my husband when I finally left the event and I was walking home, little bit more gin than I should have had and I little bit limpy because of the ginormous heels I was wearing that had mashed my feet, and I could finally say “I’m so gutted” he said something that really stuck with me: everyone is nominated or up for something that they don’t get at some point. It’s not the end of the world, but it’s ok to say you’re upset or disappointed and it doesn’t make you a bad loser…
He’s a clever one that bloke isn’t he?
So yes, I’m disappointed. I didn’t for a second think I was going to win, but I hoped. I think as a society, and this is true through all walks of life, we don’t really like it when people are upset or disappointed, we’d much rather they pretended they didn’t care. We would say that acknowledging disappointment is being a bad loser or not being gracious – but it’s not. For me, this is a bit like a promotion that you’re up for at work, it’s a high five for the work you do in the form of a trophy. I can guarantee that most people who are up for promotions or awards etc will spend 90% of their time walking around saying, “Oh it doesn’t matter anyway, who cares right?” Or “Ohhhh he/she totally deserved it more than me, I mean their so *insert whatever you want here*” or my personal favourite “we’re all winners really, just being nominated”… but that isn’t true. None of that is true. It’s a massive thing to be nominated, but there is only one winner. By virtue of that fact that you were nominated it means you were all worthy is some form, and yes, you do care. Oh course you do.
Every one of us that was up for an award last night will have felt a twinge of disappointment if they didn’t win – and that’s ok. It should be perfectly acceptable to say “I’m really disappointed, but congratulations to XYZ”. That’s what works you know, acknowledging your disappointment but being gracious enough to congratulate the person that did win, did get the promotion, didgeridoo or something that you wanted.
Life is full of disappointments, for all of us. This one is one of mine, and I’m not afraid to admit that, I’m also not going to let it make me feel like less of an achiever or like I should do things differently. In fact, I think it’s an opportunity to grow because I feel spurred on having been given the honour of a nomination, and now another for the BiBs (oh come on, I had to get it in somewhere), I feel like I have something to prove, not to anyone but to myself.
On another note, I’m not going to feel any less delighted for another woman’s massive achievement. A fellow blogger and woman who is carving her own path, has just had an amazing achievement and I am so pleased for her – I can’t wait to see what she does with it. As women especially, we often feel like when one of us achieves the other has to be sad or feel bitter and resentful, whilst we’re prone to celebrating the downfall of our fellow women, there is a certain ugly smugness that creeps in, like her failure makes your own slightly less upsetting. It’s social conditioning at it’s finest and I’m not alone in saying that I’ve fallen into the trap.
Well fuck that.