** Just before you start reading, I want to make a little note: I’ve written this from my point of view, obviously as a woman and a mother, but in doing so, I’ve done the one thing that annoys me – forgotten the dads. I just wanted to post a little edit to say this is written about being a Stay at home mum, but my thoughts and feelings extend towards being a stay at home dad too. In hind sight, I should have titled it and written it as SAHP (parent) to be more inclusive. So in response to a few questions I’ve had I feel the same about SAHDs. **
I just going to throw this one out there right off the bat: Can we STOP calling being a stay at home mum a “job”?
Being a stay at home mum is not a job. Sorry, not sorry.
Being a stay at home mum is damned hard work. Harder than any job I have ever held, but it is NOT a job. The very definition of “job” is to be employed, and therefore paid for work. You can get “job” as in an odd job, but that is also usually only considered “work” if you are paid. End of.
Here’s the thing, there is a growing trend in women putting their occupations as “full time mummy” and I’m going to tell you right now, that I find that insanely offensive. Why, I hear you shout in horror? Because it implies that by working, I’m not a “full time” mummy, I’m somehow a lesser mummy. A part timer.
I’m not a part time mummy. We are all full time mummies. Some of us work. Some of us home make. Some of us work FROM home. But none of those things make us any lesser a mother than the other, nor do they make you any more a mother.
This is the very reason that the whole “full time mummy” bullshit needs to go. It is one more way of pitting women against each other and, specifically, mothers. Being a mother is not your occupation, it’s your choice. It is a lifestyle choice and is one that should be respected to the max, but it is not a job. You don’t hear people who don’t work and are childless going around telling people that they are full time leisure pursuers do you? No. If you are a stay at home mum, you are a homemaker, but your “employment status” is unemployed and your title (if you want one) is homemaker.
One thing I don’t want is for people to think this is in any way a “diss” of SAHMs, it isn’t. I’ve been one myself, and as I said before, it was the hardest thing I ever did. I’ve written about the loneliness of being a SAHM (or really a stay at home parent), and I’m well aware of how much they do. Your roles are to cook, to clean, to maintain, to entertain, to raise, to love, to cuddle and so much more that can’t be put into to words, but these roles are NOT your job. They are your choice and to call them a job, in my opinion, diminishes what you do and what the millions of mothers who either can’t stay at home or choose not to stay at home, do. Being a SAHM mum is not your job. It’s your lifestyle.
Further to that, calling yourself a “full time mum” implies that when you head out to work, you have a break. You don’t. Your child is NEVER out of your mind, your heart or your soul. There isn’t a moment when you’re not subconsciously thinking of them or feeling guilty that you aren’t with them. You are still a “full time mummy” but instead of being able to manage and maintain ALL the aspects of your home, you are managing an external work load, whether that is as a retail assistant part time or as a doctor working 90 hours a week.
So can we cut it out with the full time mummy thing now please?